And I didn’t really care in the first place.”“A word to the wise ain’t necessary, it’s the stupid ones who need advice.”“Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I’m not living.”“You know, sometimes kids get bad grades in school because the class moves too slow for them. Depression is when you lose yours.”“Have no fear of perfection. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness — and call it love — true love.”“Older people shouldn’t eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.”“I’m sorry, if you were right, I’d agree with you.”“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?”“I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.”“I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.”“My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. And tied up. I realize I should spend much less time watching the news, and more time laughing.Thanks for the great selection of quotes, I needed to find my sense of humor after losing it.“[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don’t let that fool you: he really is an idiot.” ~ Groucho MarxThank you so much for all the jokes! I prefer to laugh. Treat a man as he can and should be, and he will become what he can and should be.” — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe“I acknowledge the privilege of being alive in a human body at this moment, endowed with senses, memories, emotions, thoughts, and the space of mind in its wisdom aspect.” — Alex Grey“I’ve been lucky. Whenever I am in the dumps, one way of cheering myself up is reading comic books. Trending. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.”“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.”“The duty of a patriot is to protect his country from its government.”“Do not take life too seriously. Individuals who have integrated humor into their lives do not only laugh more often. – short quotes.Funny motivational quotes of the day – Laughter is the best medicine in life, and these funny inspirational quotes and sayings are guaranteed to brighten your day by putting a smile.Looking for the best funny quotes pictures, photos & images? And in a concrete bunker. This has, at times, resulted in great evil; but as we look around us, we cannot doubt that it has resulted in the greater good.” — Steven BrustWhen you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. ? Very few people die past that age.”“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.”“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”“I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me – they’re cramming for their final exam.”“If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?”“May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.”“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.”“To those of you who received honours, awards and distinctions, I say well done. Having a humorous perspective can make unpleasant situations a lot more bearable. Not how long, but how well you have lived is the main thing. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.”“A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often.”“Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m schizophrenic, and so am I.”“There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.”Isn’t it interesting how humor and fun are capable of quickly making bleak situations seem a lot more positive? Topics – …

Now quiet! Hooray! After that who cares?… He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!”“I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.”“Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.”“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.”“Inside me there’s a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes.”“We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.”“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”“My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.”“All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.”“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.”“Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. One is the realization […] Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. Smile because it happened.”“I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection.”“An alcoholic is someone you don’t like who drinks as much as you do.”“Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.”“We are all here on earth to help others.

I just want to say to the authors of that study: ‘Duh. Hedy Lamarrweird quotes and very short funny quotes about lifefunny but deep quotes that make you laugh so hard you cryhumorous quote of the day and funny quotes that make you thinkrandom weird quotes that make no sense but are funnyshort funny quotes about life and funny inspirationalfunny personal quotes and funny inspirational life quotesfunny life changing quotes and random sayings to make someone laughhilarious quotes about life things to make people laughfunny random quotes that make you burst out laughingfunny quotes about people funny things to make someone laughfunny stuff to say funny quotable quotes things to make you laughfunny jokes quotes about humor funny quotes about making a difference you got this funnyfunny home quotes and sayings funny thinking quotesfunny confusing quotes and weird quotes that make no sensefunny nonsense quotes funny proverb of the day weird sayings that make you think comedy lines funny meridiculous quotes that make no sense message of the day funny message of the dayhelp me funny quotes and sayings about life funny postsfunny wrong quotes and something funny to make someone laugh funny proverbsfunny success quotes and short funny inspirational quotes i need a laughmake someone laugh quotes and funny inspirational quotes about life and happiness try not to laugh sayings thinking of you funnyfunny sayings to say and funny inspirational quotes for studentsgreatest quotes of all time funny and funniest quotes in the worldmay quotes funny stupid quotes that make no sense funny thought of the day quotesfunny may quotes and funny quotes about life and loveintellectual funny quotes funny you got this sarcastic quotes on life factshumorous inspirational quotes and funny inspiring quotesfunny quotes about life in general and silly inspirational quotesEnter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.35 Good Morning Quotes and Wishes With Beautiful Images286 Motivational & Inspirational Quotes Images That Will Inspire35 Good Morning Quotes And Images Positive Words for Good Morning

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