Counting down gaming's greatest ever lines. 21. 23. He replied, ‘It’s still in my pencil. You may die of a misprint.” “An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building, and after 50 floors says, ‘So far so good!’” “The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised.” “I’m not offended by blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb … and I also know that I’m not blonde.” “It was a blonde. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” “When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. Fiction has to make sense.” “Be careful about reading health books. ‘Just not these four.

‘ This message will self-flush … But so is thunder and lightning.” “My advice to you is get married: If you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.” “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.” “Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth, and you should save it for someone you love.” “Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and just give her a house.” “All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.” “When you have bacon in your mouth, it doesn’t matter who’s president.” “Part of [the $10 million] went for gambling, horses, and women. Number two is death. Coward: “The one in front has suddenly gone blind and the other one has very kindly offered to push him.” These In the 1960s, Joe Pyne, one of the original shock jocks, apparently began an interview with Frank Zappa by saying, “So I guess your long hair makes you a woman.” Zappa responded, “So I guess your wooden leg makes you a table.”Katharine Hepburn so hated filming a movie with John Barrymore, she declared, “Mr. “But I never asked anybody.” Now that you know the funniest quotes of all time, memorize these “Housekeeping is like being caught in a revolving door.” —“Nothing inspires cleanliness more than an unexpected guest.” —“From now on, ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put.” —“Everybody wants to save the earth; no one wants to help mom do the dishes.” —“The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.” —“A bad review may spoil your breakfast, but you shouldn’t allow it to spoil your lunch.” —Kingsley Amis“We dream of having a clean house — but who dreams of actually doing the cleaning?” “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Explore 309 Epic Quotes by authors including Victor Hugo, Neil deGrasse Tyson, and Travis Scott at BrainyQuote. There’s nothing like a funny quote to relax an audience and make them receptive to hearing what you have to say. '” “One of my biggest fears is that I’ll marry into a family that runs 5Ks on holidays.” “Mapquest really needs to start its directions on number five. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.” “Wine; a constant proof that God loves us, and loves to see us happy.” “Why beer is better than wine: human feet are conspicuously absent from beer making.” “The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove crabgrass on your lawn.” “The Republicans are the party that says government doesn’t work, and then they get elected and prove it.” “I’ve been married to one Marxist and one Fascist, and neither one would take the garbage out.” “The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing, and then they marry him.” “The difference between fiction and reality? Barrymore, I am never going to act with you again.” Barrymore replied, “My dear, you still haven’t.”Director/writer Kevin Smith told Tim Burton that Burton’s An acquaintance walked past  Algonquin Round Table member Marc Connelly and ran a hand over Connelly’s bald pate. 24. See more ideas about Funny quotes, Funny, Quotes. Read through these funny quotes and memorize a few to help lighten the mood when it’s needed. Page 1 of 11: Page 1 … Look at the people he gave it to.” “I have noticed that even people who claim everything is pre­determined and that we can do nothing to change it look before they cross the road.” “The only people who still call hurricanes acts of God are the people who write insurance forms.” “By all means let’s be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out.” “He was so narrow-minded, he could see through a keyhole with both eyes.” “I’ve come to learn that the best time to debate family members is when they have food in their mouths.” “They say marriages are made in Heaven.

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